Entries Tagged 'topiary' ↓

I propose my first theorem: “In any sufficiently close social group, the aggregate amount of facial hair reaches a certain level and thereafter remains constant.”

The colloquial term for the phenomenon is the ‘zz-top effect’.

The theory is easily tested, and no known evidence of its failure has yet been noted.

Observe a group of work colleagues: if a previously-bearded colleague turns up to work as cleanly-shaven as a child’s balloon, the theorem posits that enough of his colleagues would have neglected to shave that same morning as to maintain the constant level of facial hair in the group. Equally, as one colleague’s beard grows, often beyond his or her control, the rest of the team will become progressively more clean-shaven.

I propose no knowlege of the mechanism by which this happens, but I expect string-theory to validate the theory any day now.

In any case, for those struggling to achieve a convincing beard the best advice is to surround yourself with clean-shaven people and persuade a friendly bearded-one to suffer a quick trim.